How is American Beer similar to making love in a canoe? They’re both fucking close to water.

A SQL statement walks into a bar… he confidently walks up to a couple of tables and says, “May I join you?”.

If alcohol kills germs and laughter is the best medicine, I’m the healthiest mofo on this planet.

I got a good one for you guys 1

What’s a parrot’s favourite song? I love Parrots in the Springtime!

The student asked his sensei: “Why do you fight using only your feet?” Oh, y’know. For kicks.

You are riding a horse. There is a giraffe beside you and a lion chasing you. What do you do? You get your drunk ass off the carousel. Edit: *off Thanks captain.

Why couldn’t anyone trust the snowman to do anything? He was kinda flakey

Curiosity doesn’t kill anything, stupidity does.

Doctor: You appear to have potassium poisoning. Mario: But I’ve avoided bananas my whole life!