Why do black people have white on their palms? There’s a little bit of good in everybody.

So a guy came into a bar… No… wait, it was a horse. So a guy came into a horse…

Nice try, theatre ad. But some of us don’t need to put our phones on silent, for we have prevented calls with our deplorable personalities.

Why does Michael J Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he uses the best ingredients.

Just been on a ‘once in a lifetime holiday’… …never again. [/timvine]

How many feminist does it take to screw in a light bulb? THAT’S NOT FUNNY

I recently entered a blindfolded masturbation competition… I haven’t seen the results yet so I’ve no idea where I came…

If I’m ever captured as a spy, all they’d have to do to get me to talk is put my house slipper on the wrong foot.

I’m hesitant to go ahead with my new plastic surgeon since he said he could give me “the parts of an animal” I was all gung-ho before, but now he’s given me paws

How does the butcher introduce his wife? Meat Patty. (This was told to me by an old man I cut off with my grocery cart at the grocery store).