Silly Political/Finance Joke What do Vladimir Putin, Crude Oil, and the Russian Ruble have in common? They’re all going to be 65 this year.

Working at the aluminum recycling plant is the saddest job I’ve ever had… … It’s just soda pressing.

How many lead guitarists does it take to change lightbulb? One. He just stands there with the lightbulb and the whole world revolves around him.

I messed up my foot pretty bad. The doctors said it would take a while to heel.

“I need a boyfriend” No, you WANT a boyfriend. You NEED water, cause you sound thirsty.

How do the Kardashians change a broken light bulb They buy a new house

The only B word you should call a girl is Beautiful Bitches love to be called Beautiful

Eliminate Anime and Islam, and you secure the the existence of western culture for eternity

When I was 18, I wanted to buy a brand new motorbike, but my mother forbid it. She explained that she had a brother who died in a motorbike crash when he was 18, and so I could have his instead.

In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of some phony gods blessing, but because I am enlightened by my… KNAWLEDGE