*Me, getting my arm bitten off during a zombie apocalypse* 5: *crying* Me: It’s okay, son. 5: You said you were gonna get me a snack.

The porn version of Interstellar is out … It’s called “IntoStella”. For the bonus point: in the gay porn version, Matthew McConaughey ends up in Uranus.

A good way to let the audience know a character doesn’t “play by the rules” is to name her Kat.

What’s the difference between Santa Claus and A Black Rapper? Santa stops after three hoes.

9/11 jokes are just… Plane wrong.

I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance By putting it into reverse and fleeing the scene of the accident

Whoever put the ‘b’ in subtle was a clever bastard.

What do cannibals call shin meat? Below knee

Schrodinger’s cat jokes never get old well, they do, but, they don’t

19 and 20 got into a fight… Now they’re facing 123 years on disturbing the peace.