What does Iphone7 and spermbank have in common? JACK OFF

What is Green and Oblong? A well disguised orange!

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving just isn’t for you.

Don’t ask God to cure cancer & world poverty. He’s too busy finding you a parking space & fixing the weather for your barbecue.

Golfer: “That can’t be my ball caddy. It looks far too old.” Caddy: “It’s a long time since we started sir.”

Why did the case against the great dessert robber get thrown out? De minimis non curat lex.

Girls named Miranda never think it’s funny when you tell them they have the right to remain silent.

i can always see the flash of disappointment n a guy’s face when i tell them i have a great relationship with my dad.

Everybody in the village agreed that I did an excellent job of sewing their mouths shut. After I left, they were humming my praises.

What did the vampire say to her kids? Eat your dinner before it clots!