I know my wife is cheating with my best friend Her pussy tastes like his dick.

Bought shoes from a drug dealer Not sure what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day!

Most of life is waiting for whatever you’re at to be over.

The music teacher at the school my niece goes to was out sick 2 days last week. The school had a dog fill in for her. He was a sub woofer.

I like my women like I like my Star Wars. Ruined by George Lucas.

What do you call it when you tie a brick to a jar of Miracle Whip and throw it into the ocean? “Sink-o de Mayo”

What do you call a meth-head that’s been up for 2 weeks? A two-weeker

What do Wesson and KY have in common? Despite it being technically accurate, they’d both prefer you not refer to their products as “rape oil”

After (M)onday and (T)uesday even the week says WTF!

What did the alcoholic 7 get diagnosed with? Heptatitis