what do you call a 145 million year old swine carcass? Jurassic Pork Ill show^myself^out

whats the difference between a Ferrari and 5 dead children? i dont have a Ferrari in my garage.

Murphy’s law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Cole’s Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.

If you don’t like my selfies, maybe you shouldn’t have such a beautiful friend. Maybe you aren’t ready to handle that kind of responsibility

What do you call an Englishman with an IQ of 50? Colonel, sir. ^ ^

What happens when the fog lifts in California? UCLA.

What do you call a rich Chinese person ? cha ching

I want you to drag me to the bedroom, softly lay me down, & kiss my neck. Now go clean the house while I take a nap.

My sense of humor is so dark that my grandmother would have been very unhappy if my sister went on a date with it.

I’m still learning my pronouns… But that is neither here nor there.