Why was the ghost late to the halloween party? He had to take a sheet.

Why are school shooters more likely to be white people? White people actually go to school. Black people stay home and shoot people in their own neighborhood.

If life give you melons… You’re probably dyslexic.

Today I called the rape help line… But apparently it’s just meant for the victims.

Doctor: “Hey, how are you?” Patient: “I am good” Doctor: “Ok. Next.”

What did the Shepard say when he saw the sheep? “I herd that!”

How did the executioner learn about knots? By watching the noose.

April showers bring May flowers. And car bombs, suicide bombers, beheadings, etc. Tis the season.

Jesus said to love your neighbor, but makes no mention about putting up with their music at 3am.

Boss: Are you high? Me: If I was high could I do this? B: What? You aren’t doing anything M: sorry I’m super high. What was the question?