Dance like you won’t be turned into a gif.

I wouldn’t be so scared of spiders if they were wearing tiny shoes.

You can just walk into a Blockbuster and take a shit on the floor now. It’s not even illegal.

Why is it… old people say “there’s no place like home”, yet when you put them in one…

2 guys walk into a bar The 3rd guy ducks

What’s black and never works? Decaffeinated coffee you racist fuck.

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I’m making… …then they call me ugly and poor.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Doctor Doctor I’m on a diet and it’s making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off. Oh dear that’s a lot of calories !

Batman threw Two-Face at my car, and now it has a Harvey Dent