What do you call a baseball player who watches porn? A master batter

What happened in China on Christmas? The Rice-child was born.

I only have sex with the lights off to prevent having to explain some of my tattoos.

I dropped my laptop in the ocean. Now there’s a dell rolling in the deep.

did you hear about the new tv crime drama? Criminal Mastermimes: the Silent Killers

if you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape

What happened to him after she made a joke he fainted

I had a one-night-stand with a Bernie supporter. I know because I can feel the bern.

There are TV shows literally every day so no I am not free to hang out ever.

[on a Speed date] pop quiz hotshot, if this date goes below 50 mph it explodes [her] that makes no sense [I mouth a tiny explosion sound]