I had a debate with myself about masturbation… … On one hand it’s feels good. And on the other it feels great!

Did you hear about the dyslexic KKK member? He went around killing gingers.

What are the three words that men hate to hear during sex? “Are you done?”

I hate when people tell me to have a safe flight. Like I have a choice. It’s either back home, or in a swamp. I’ll try really hard to live.

Nobody heard those terrorist attacks coming… Never forget the tragic events of mime-eleven

JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL! *Car crashes*

What do you call a slutty egg? Over easy!

Nothing beats a pretty girl with a beautiful singing voice except for Chris Brown

My friends won’t get margaritas with me anymore because I get drunk & start saying everything is “mexillent”.

An asian woman gets into car and starts driving… thought you’d enjoy that one.