A joke I made up yesterday . . . Relationships are like socks. They’re cool with me, as long as they are the same color.

What do Nazi marijuana farmers say to their employees? BALE HYDRO!!

I was on my way to commit a heinous act of religiously motivated violence but then I saw a Coexist bumper sticker

Why was Santa sacked two days before Christmas? Elf and safety

If I could set people on fire with a single stare, a lot of innocents would die. “Sorry sir, we are closed.” FIRE! “Good morning.” FIRE!

TV is the best girlfriend Because, no matter what happens, I can always turn it on.

Santorum I thought he didn’t believe in pulling out?

A man once offered me a job selling fog, but I said no Looking back, I think it was a mist opportunity.

How many potato’s does it take to kill an Irishman? None.

What do you call a store that sells terribly made Nun appeal? The Bad Habit.