How do neurons communicate? Cell phones

Man goes into the store… …and he’s quite startled by what he sees. The clerk has these great bushy eyebrows. Horrified, the man stutters, “Can eyebrows your inventory?”

So apparently Justin Timberlake is going to write a song for all the people that have been devastated by the crisis in Ukraine. It’s going to be called ‘Crimea River’.

I just dropped my iPhone in liquor, and now Siri is slurring her words, won’t stop talking, stumbling and trying to have sex with me.

Democrats must be so thirsty Cause of all the salt.

When life hands you lemons make sure those lemons aren’t evidence in a murder that life’s trying to frame you for.

How did Marty McFly react when shown what 2015 would really look like? Gee, it’s hard to say, although he did seem pretty shaken up about it.

I just seen someone update their status on Facebook to “I Wish Every Guy Was Like Jack From The Titanic.” What… Dead at the bottom of the ocean?

Never ask white Americans what their ethnicity is unless you wanna hear a list of every European country and meaningless fractions.