If you follow the rules of grammar, people will always help you. If you don’t, your on you’re own.

Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.

Pickle bread How do you make pickle bread? You use dill dough.

“No way.” -Jose

If you ever travel to Italy, you have to try their famous food called “Pasta,” which I believe is Italian for “Pizza.”

Rand Paul’s debate strategy has been leaked. He’s going to filibuster the GOP debate.

Customer spelling her name: Me: Is that V as in Victor or Z as in Zebra? Her: Z as in Xylophone. And this, kids, is why education is key.

I always get homophone and homophobe mixed up. I just know that one of them secretly likes caulk.

Why didn’t Jesus like to play hockey? He didn’t like getting nailed to the boards.

I, too, am shocked Ted Cruz has had sex. I just assumed his kids were born when he ate after midnight and got wet like in the movie Gremlins