The man who invented distorted mirrors has died. His funeral will be held in asymmetry.

What do you call a fish without any eyes? Boneless chicken

[NSFW] If you masturbate with a rowing stick… Will you have an orgasm?

How to be an asian… Just squint your eyes and say “We all how smaw deek” out loud.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar… The number of occupants exceeds the maximum allowable number for fire safety, and thus the bartender throws them out.

Have you heard about the guy who reanimated the dead? He made Mary Shelly roll over in her grave.

Did you hear about the girl who went fishing with three guys? She came back with a red snapper.

Eating a full box of chocolate is like shi# posting. After some time you get a lot of backfire and takes a lot of time to get yourself clean.

The restraining order doesn’t mean we can’t hang. It just says I can’t get within 50ft of you. You wanna play catch or Frisbee or something?

My psychologist says I have trouble identifying my emotions Not quite sure how I feel about it