Interview Boss: Greatest weakness Me: Sometimes I answer questions with 90s rap lyrics B: Is that here on your resume M: Whoomp, there it is

You’ll know it’s true love when you’re in your late 30s and have no other options.

If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday – it’s because they’ve just killed someone right?

What do you call a penis with bad logic? A phallusy.

So Trump says he picked a bunch of great people to run the government… But honestly, I’ve seen better cabinets at IKEA.

Jesus may have turned water into wine But I turned a whole student loan check into vodka

Why was the volcano so pleasant to be around? Because he was so magmanimous.

Did you hear about that frog that broke a bone? Yea he broke a ribbet

I like to kiss my girlfriends neck. I guess I’m a neck romancer.

Someone posted an ad claiming she can wax my chest without any pain at all. Sounds nice, but I’m kind of nervous. Do you really think she could pull it off?