Do you know why I have airplane-mode turned on on my phone all the time? ‘Cause I’m so fly

You face Ha got “em”

I saw six men carrying a coffin in the cemetery. Two hours later they were still carrying the coffin around the cemetery I thought to myself “They’ve lost the plot”

*judge bangs gavel on desk* *judge cooks gavel breakfast in the morning* *judge tell gavel he loves her* *judge marries gavel*

Why did the raging alcoholic throw his wife off a cliff? Tequila

What did the old Frankish barbarians say to the Roman invasion? [](/dumbfabric)”You don’t have the *Gaul* to do it!”

My mom drove her car into a tree. She sure found out how a Mercedes bends.

I hate Housework!!! You do the dishes!! You do the Laundry!! …and then 6 months later you have to do it all over again!

The first time God made the universe, he skipped leg day. All men were weeping creatures, who ended in bloody torsos and begged for death.

Short seal joke A baby seal walks into a club