I just said “bye – bye” when I ended a phone call, and now I’m debating on if I should have my milk & cookies before or after recess.

Whenever someone says, “It’s getting hot in here” I automatically think, “So take off all your clothes.

Pretty Punny! What did the cat stripper say when she found out she was being replaced by a younger pussy?????? You’ve gotta be Kitten me!

I got banned from the hardware store Every time I walk in, all the stud finders start beeping.

Height of …. Height of Stupidity – Looking through the keyhole of a glass door.. Height of embarrassment – when you find other person looking through the other side of the same keyhole..

Paid $50 for a device that has a motion detector that emits a sound to scare off neighbor’s cat….she’s out there rubbing up against it now

Wanna hear a joke? Lifetime movies.

Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!

I was going to tell you a joke about a cow. But its udderly ridiculous

*puts sunglasses on a watermelon* *punches watermelon* “WHERE ARE ALL THE DRUGS!” *slams hands down* “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DID THEM ALL?!”