You scream, we all scream, I apologize for entering the womens bathroom.

If you slap a christian girl on the ass… Would she turn the other cheek?

Cats are just fuzzy houseplants that hate you.

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None!

What do you call a panda who’s legs don’t work? Pandapalegic

I like my women like I like my coffee…. Ground up and in the freezer.

A black guy walks into a police station in Florida and he never comes out.

your call is important to us. like, super important. we all bought new outfits for this call. dave is wearing a wig

Me: I’m gonna make you an offer you can’t refuse. Him: Ma’am, for the last time, we don’t have a limit on how much liquor you can buy.

People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.