“Great speech! Have you thought about giving it from behind a wooden box for some reason?” – podium salesman

I entered a joke contest and to increase my chances of winning I submit 10 jokes…. Unfortunately I didn’t win, no pun in ten did…

So i was talking to my friend who’s a dyslexic philosopher And he says to me “You know what, recently i’ve been wondering if there really is a dog”

That moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, hit a lamp and kill a cat.

I was talking to my ex and she got the wrong end of the stick. The end that had been sharpened to a fine point.

Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a potato.

Q: Why couldn’t the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes? A: She couldn’t find the recipe.

Do you know a favourite expression used by the Gorillas? Apesy daisy!

How do you throw a party in space? You planet

What’s black brown and white black brown and white brown and white etc.? A Gorilla riding down a snowbank!