Why did the Irishman only put 239 beans in his soup? Because one more would have been too farty.

What do you call a dog that does magic? A labracadabrador

Pillow fights didn’t last as long in the Stone Age.

Why did the knight stop fighting after all his limbs had been chopped of? He’d been unarmed and defeated

Why isn’t Half-Life 3 coming out? Because 2 Half-Lives = 1 whole life.

Where assholes go to die The cheap toilet paper section.

Why are vegans so salty? To hide the fact that their food has no flavor.

What’s the difference between sex and conversation? You don’t know? Well let’s go have a discussion…

Why doesn’t democracy work in china? Because no one wants to hold an erection.

What do you call a medical student that graduated at the bottom of his class with a 2.0 GPA? A doctor