I can’t wait until humans move to a new planet and someone says, ‘Remember having 24-hour days?’ and some jerk responds, ‘First world problems.’ -Geoffrey Asmus

I get suicidal when I play guitar So I don’t fret about it Sorry [8]

Kid says “mommy how come I’m black and your white? Mom says “listen the way I remember that party you’re lucky you don’t bark”

I recently turned 18 and got an eye test Kind of bummed I didn’t get adult super vision

*ding* This is your captain speaking. We… Is this what my voice sounds like? Nobody told me! Haha, wow, weird. We’re out of fuel.

Just to clarify: If original content is about Carlos Mencia, is it a repost?

What do you call a German with a cold?

Why are there so many doctors in India? Because about 20 million people are Sikh.

Everybody keeps downvoting my racist jokes It’s like a load of black people have suddenly gotten laptops or something.

What has a 10 foot neck four legs and loves money. A Jewraffe