I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it’s only for victims.

When you gaze into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you, wraps a towel around itself and screams oh wait that’s my neighbor haha Hi Pam!

“I wasn’t that drunk…” “Dude, you threw an Iphone in your blender and screamed ‘I WANT APPLE JUICE!’ “

Two Jihadis Walked In to a bar They didn’t blow it up.

What do jehovah’s witnesses believe in? That I will open the door

Why is it called PMS’ing? Mad cow disease was already taken.

I’m going to hire a Priest, a Doctor and a Rabbi to walk into a bar together just to see WTF happens. Backup Plan: I’ll also bring a horse.

Black people love boom boxes .. I hate to generalize, but it’s their stereotype 😉

I was doing the dishes and i realized.. If we could cover our Military vehicles in dried egg yolk we would be unstoppable.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You only need 1 nail to hang the picture