Anybody wanna play Pearl Harbour? I lay down and you blow me to heavens!

So an Irish man walks out of a bar…

A Priest and a Rabbi were walking down the street. They spied a young boy playing up the street. The Priest said to the Rabbi, “let’s go up and fuck that boy”. The Rabbi said “out of how much”.

What do you calll a woman that people sit on ? Cher !

The other day I got pulled over, and when the cop walked up I pulled out my 9mm Once he stopped laughing he wrote me up for indecent exposure

You know you’re in your 30’s and single when you automatically look for wedding rings even while watching porn.

I told my chef wife that if she were to leave me… please leave me one of your incredible cupcakes. She replied…”I won’t dessert you.”

Whenever I see a middle-aged guy trying desperately to hang onto his youth, I always think “I should move this mirror”.

How does ISIL prefer their eggs? Sunni side up at first. But they always end up scrambled.

Sometimes you have to choose between what is hard and what is easy Luckily for you I’m both right now