Forget waterboarding… I’m ready to tell this damn popcorn kernel stuck in my tooth everything it wants to know.

Save the date! Someone is trying to ruin it by having a wedding.

What’s the difference?? What’s the difference between Cinderella and Princess Diana? At midnight Cinderella’s car didn’t turn into a wall.

How do you play Iraqi bingo? F18…B52…F18

Fun Fact: If you lie down in an aisle at Walmart for a couple hours, they will tag you and put you in a clearance bin.

me: “4,000 for a beehive?” salesman: “sir, there are 8,000 bees in there, that’s only 50p each” me: [checking my wallet] “give me 3 bees”

What did the Buffalo say to his son that was leaving for College? Bison

Why did Bill Cosby go to Japan with a bag of roofies? He had Jello fever!

I went to specsavers the other day.. …guess who I bumped into? Everyone!

Professor: What is an independent variable? Student: A variable who don’t need no man