I wonder if clouds look down on us and say shit like “That one’s shaped like an idiot.”

Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it’s Wednesday.

Went to Bingo yesterday, Got two fat ladies… Worst 3some ever.

Why are libraries so strict? Because they have to go by the book.

Why does a dog? Why does a dog lick its butt? To get the taste of dog food out of its mouth.

How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. But I don’t know how they got in there.

What is 6.9? A really good time ruined by a period.

What’s the difference between peanut butter and jam You can’t peanut butter your dick up someone’s ass

It’s the eye of the tiger. It’s the spleen of a sheep.

TIFU by making my husband the wrong sandwich Oops, wrong sub!