I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather Not screaming and yelling like everyone else in the car.

Lebron James quits basketball to become an actor And he’s taking his talents to Hollywood

Q: What is the first thing that President Clinton says after waking up? A: “Good morning Bill.”

I wonder during the election for Pope, did the other cardinals point to the losers and say excitedly “you are NOT the father”

What do you call a hippopotamus in an I.C.U.? Hippo-critical.

I went camping recently. It was intense.

What does a baby have in common with a old car? They’re fun to take apart, but they’re a real bitch to put back together.

A heart-shaped pizza just means less pizza and that’s not a sacrifice I’m willing to make for love.

Today is Stevie Nicks’ birthday. She is 67 years old. I wonder what that is in goat years?

Some bloke on FB called me a clown. Now I’ve got to go hide under his bed with a knife cause that’s what clowns do.