How is being a Jew like eating a burrito? It’s really not a problem until they give you gas.

Jobs that do not exist anymore Steve

Why couldn’t the motorcycle stand on it’s own? because it was too tired.

How does NASA organize their missions. They Planet.

Dad cooks deer for dinner and doesn’t tell the kids what it is… He gives them a hint “It’s what your mom calls me” The kids respond “It’s a fucking dick, don’t eat it”

What do you call a prositute on her period? Unemployed.

My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday. How is she now ? She’s fine. But the dog died.

What’s the most embarrassing part about Hillary Clinton’s emails? The Nigerian Prince actually came through with the money transfer.

What do Michael Jackson and Jimmy Savile have in common? they touched some many lives

Someone once told me “If you love something, set it free”. I told them not to mind about those noises coming from the basement.