How does a barber avoid getting hair in his food? By giving her a Brazilian wax first!

So doctor how much time do I have left? 10… 10 what? 9, 8….

Why did the spud lover set his alarm for 8:00? Because he wanted to get a-po-ta-to clock. **EDITED** to make joke more apparent

A man calls in to work sick on a Friday His boss asks him, “Why what’s wrong with you?” He replies, “its my eyes boss… I just can’t see my ass coming in to work today.”

I don’t understand Fox and Friends. No one on the show is named Fox. Are they friends with a TV channel?

What is the deadliest volcano? Mount Kill-a-man-jaro

Which baseball team is currently the favourite with hamburger fans? The Cincinnati Reds -because they’re the Big Bread Machine!

You might be a redneck if someone shouts hoedown and your girlfriend hits the floor.

What is Michal Jackson A Chocolate Cracker (if they exist)

“Yous shall not pass!” (Gandalfini)