Why was the nun hooked up to an IV of holy water? She was taking god’s name in vein.

Do you know what makes pink lemonade pink? Strawberries.

I told my dog to bark. He said, “howwwl loud.”

I tried to start a band called “999 megs”! Never did get a gig 🙁

My friend has a compulsion to eat everything in sight, and as a result, he’s put on a lot of weight… You might say he suffers from OBCD.

The entire city of Detroit burned down last night. Estimated damage is $6.

Yo moma is so… good looking, what happened you? edit: premature ejokulation

How is God just like every other man? If you’re not on your knees, he’s not interested.

My friend told me his favourite word was ‘many’ It doesnt mean much to me…

What’s a pirate’s favorite workout program? Pirates (pronounced like pilates)