There was a new machine at the gym today. I had to stop using it after an hour as i felt sick, but it was worth it got through 4 kit kats 2 cherry cokes and 2 packets of crisps.

What’s blue and sits on the toilet? A policeman doing his duty!

A lion wouldn’t cheat on his wife but a Tiger Wood

Two pharaohs farted at the same time. They had a toot in common.

Guy at the Apple store suggested I turn off my phone once a week, so I slapped his face and ran out of the store crying.

Just heard local reports of a stalker, which is funny because I watch everyone through their windows and none of them look suspicious

I have a great ebola joke! You probably won’t get it

What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers? A virgin.

Why did Jon Snow become a spokesman for Rolex? For the time piece.

What U.S. State has the smallest sodas? Minisoda