How to get laid: Step 1: Be an egg Step 2: That’s literally it

What bus crossed the Atlantic Ocean? Columbus

Girlfriend: Ok you hang up 🙂 Boyfriend: No You hang up first 🙂 Girlfriend: no you first Boyfriend: No you first NSA: both of you hang up

Never threaten anyone. It spoils the surprise.

Dark comedy is… Like water…….not everyone gets it.

why did princess Diana cross the road? she wasnt wearing her seatbelt….

How do you solve world hunger and poverty simultaneously? By feeding the poor to the hungry.

I’m turning to Reddit to help crowdsource an OC joke about defective condoms but it’s all been a bust. You pricks keep poking holes in it.

Why did my ex gf Fav my tweet where I announced that I got laid off. Why did you do that sharon

Alcohol is photoshop for real life.