I burned a kid in a wheelchair today. Hot wheels.

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except one… …he’s never gonna give you *Up.*

What did the baby corn say to the Mom corn ? Where is Popcorn ?

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room The bear isn’t dead it is just afraid to move.

Did you know Helen Keller had a swing-set in her back yard? …neither did she

I finally figured out the problem with our firewall last night. It was a real breakthrough! //Actually used that this morning. Manager did not notice, I did not explain.

What do you call a gay dentist? The Tooth Fairy

What do you call a lesbian Eskimo? A Klondike.

Static cling is just physics showing us how much it loves us.

The best thing about sex with your sister… …is that if she gets pregnant, you can just blame your dad.