Knock Knock Who’s there ! Courtney Pine ! Courtney Pine who ? Courtney Pine tables I need a new one !

What do you call an acid with an attitude? A-mean-oh acid

I fired a man named Diarrhea today… His shit wasn’t together

POLLY GETS A CRACKER WHEN HE STOPS REFERRING TO HIMSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON, and not a moment before. Stupid bird.

Every religion has violent people… … The Christians have The Westboro Baptist Church, the Muslims have the jihadists, and the Jews have the IRS

Q: Why are all blacks fast? A: The slow ones are in jail.

You should never bully fat people…. They have enough on their plates

Why did the chicken of the sea cross the road? Because a tuna can!

A wife gets naked… …and asks her husband, ‘What turns you on more! my pretty face or my sexy body?’ Husband looks her up and down for a moment and replies, ‘Your sense of humor.’

Can’t be an atheist after getting in a subway car with no a/c because u now know hell is real