DJ: “MARRIED PEOPLE IN THE CLUB TONIGHT MAKE SOME NOOOIISE!” *Groans* *Sobs* *sighs* *a solitary gunshot*

In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That’ll teach ’em to fuck with you.

Next time someone says “Thanks!” reply: “You’re welx!”. It’s a cool new abbreviation I made up you can use. Make sure to attribute it to me.

My wife said she wanted to do it missionary style, so I forced her to change religions and gave her smallpox.

Your “poetic” tweets would be so much better if Adele hadn’t thought of them first

(Serious) What do you think Michael Hastings was working on before he died? slowing down his car. … … shoutout to r/conspiracy for this one.

Relationship Status: we made our marriage counselor cry.

To all sluts !! Please regulate your whoremones !!

My girlfriend hate when i call her fat And now she want us to break up so i said : What about the baby.

This day in history. 1961. In Spain the fascist government of Generalissimo Francisco Franco declared equal rights for women and men. None.