I don’t care what people think of me. At least mosquitoes find me attractive.

Did you guys hear about the C++ developer that wanted to become a famous actor? He kept getting type cast.

We should really use the blackjack scale to rate women. For example: “Every girl here is ugly” “Well, what about her? ” “Eh, she’s like a 15 or 16. Not sure if I’d hit it”

Pretty sure Zinedine Zidane never forgave his parents for all the waiting he had to do for his attendance call in school.

Why is Klezmer music so addictive? Once you Hava Nagila, you’ll want another!

A magic tractor was driving down a country road… When suddenly it turned into a field!

Protip: Never take your wife with you to your annual checkup. She will tell the doctor way too much about you.

Gene Therapy The act of watching Gene Wilder films to cope with the loss of Gene Wilder. This is the place for wordplay, right?

kid theres no such thing as bad publicity. like you would think if a big article came out saying you suck shit it would be bad, but its good

Why aren’t football stadiums built in outer space? Because there is no atmosphere!