How to mess with people To REALLY mess with people, try drinking Gatorade from a Windex bottle.

Dear toilet paper makers, We’ve all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the middle softer. Sincerely, Our asses.

I had a reaction to some nuts the other day.. “These are a bit hairy.”

Why do Arabs wear thawbs? Goats can hear a zipper from a mile away.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Dont be silly, feminists cant change anything.

Two nuns are riding their bikes somewhere… One of the nuns says “I’ve never come this way before!” Other nun says “Must be the cobblestones.”

How do you know when it’s time to get a new dishwasher? When the old one expects you to “do your share”

What is a water bottle’s favorite game to play? Follow the litre.

Girl hey what’s up? Boy if i tell you, will you sit on it? Sex is like a misdmeanor, the kore i miss it, the meaner i get.

The best thing about the Earth is if you poke holes in it oil and gas come out.