A fat woman just served me at McDonalds… … and said “Sorry about the wait”. I replied and said “Don’t worry, you’ll lose it eventually”.

I learned that Honey Bees in the United States developed a form of electronics – they’re called U.S. Bees.

“Nice legs” *Swipes right* “Nice legs” *Swipes right* “Nice legs” *Swipes right* “Nice legs” *Swipes right* – Spider tinder

They’re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I’m dreading it.

Past, Present, and Future walk into a bar. It was tense.

If I ever become a ghost, I sure hope they have some options other than pottery.

How do you help a woman going through menopause You hit menoplay

Rain is just God listening to Bon Iver.

Wtf neighbor I waved to you last week

Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool ? Because they couldn’t hold their trunks up !