Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair!

“Dance like the photo’s not being tagged, Love like you’ve never been unfriended, Status Update like nobody’s following.”

I’ve heard that 1 in 3 people have a pedophile as a neighbour. But that can’t be right because my neighbours are sexy 5 and 7 year olds.

What is a trailer park’s favorite game? Twister

Hate it when people ask me what I will be doing five years from now Come on guys, I don’t have 2020 vision

My mother always told me if you have nothing nice to say join 4chan

Vader: I AM your father. Luke: Why are you telling me this now? Vader: Luke: Vader: I need a kidney.

Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.

*on my deathbed* *groggy, dazed, & delirious* Me: I wonder if my TC ever really loved me? Wife: Honey, what’s a TC? Me: *pulls plug*

Are you afraid of quantum mechanics ? Dont worry, it’s gonna be Feynman.