What happened to the road? Depressions.

Christmas is my favorite four months of the year.

All my party planning skills revolve around exit strategies.

“I need to find somewhere to park,” I told my wife. “What about over there?” she said. “I can’t,” I replied, “It says between 1 and 9 only.” “Well, why is that stopping you?” “I’m 23.”

Traffic cop: Just blow into this for me sir. Man in car: But that’s a balloon. Traffic cop: if you just cooperate sir, it’ll soon be a dog.

How can working with cow hide act in your favor on a first date? As if she’s going to lay there and be swayed by some new buck.

Always carry $100,000 cash on you at all times in case you ever feel like getting a sandwich from an airport.

What do you call a kid with no legs, no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

Mothers are always one question from ruining your day.

He died doing what he loved, checking his mentions while driving.