TIL A new study shows that women drivers often turn into good drivers So if you’re a good driver, look out for women drivers.

I asked my wife for sex recently… She said, “No, it’s a super moon, not a blue one”.

You know what Popeye and Napoleon have in common? They both come on those little jugs of Olive Oil.

I used to be a narcissist But now look at me

Many women say a guy who makes them laugh is all they want. They fail to mention all the things it takes to put them in the mood to laugh.

I was watching some porn with a plot the other day It was pretty Fucking stupid

ME: Lord, what have I done to deserve this GOD: *unfurls a scroll that keeps going for miles* Well

My wife’s cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.

What’s big, grey and makes you jump? The elephant of surprise. 🙂

My dad is my inspiration …cause you never know when it’s gonna hit you EDIT: missed a word