I don’t ever have to worry about getting sex… Because I’m married, so I already know I won’t. Takes all the guesswork right out of it.

My girlfriend and i are quite similar They’re both imaginary

My doctor told me that I have to stop masturbating! Because otherwise he can’t do his medical examination.

What country uses the most foul language? Turkey

A line for cops who pull over attractive drunk models If I could put you in the alphabet, I would go D U I and that’s why I’m a writer, I look forward to your hatred of bad jokes

My grandpa would always tell me “You’re my favorite granddaughter” I was his only granddaughter.

My doctor told me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks. So I have to sit when I pee now.

I went to the zoo today but when I arrived, there was only a dog there It was a shitzu

“A smile is like tight underwear…it makes your cheeks go up.

My mother always told me never to listen to Rumours. Consequently my copy of Tusk is completely worn out.