What do you call gungan served raw? Tartare Binks…

There’s a whole world of people out there! *closes the door*

Woo hoo, July 4th wknd! Popped opened a beer, unbottoned my pants, put my feet up. My boss keeps looking at me weird, though.

Sorry I brought my own turntables and tried to battle your wedding DJ

When someone texts “whatcha doin” after midnight the appropriate response is “someone else” even if you’re just eatin’ pizza all alone.

I tried looking for cover versions of Milli Vanilli songs but it turned out that they weren’t the original ones.

if ur fighting with your bae but sleepy, write what you’re mad about on a piece of paper so u can continue in the morning

I just thought up a really nerdy joke… How can you tell if a person works in HR or IT? Ask them to pronounce the following: **HIRES**

why are blonde jokes so short so brunettes can rember them

There are 3 reasons for “Liking” someone’s Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I’m liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you.