Which is more stable, a hamburger or a steak? Hamburger, it’s in the ground state.

What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you pick up anything with that?

A Priest a Rabbi and a Nun walk into a bar The bartender looks up and says, “What is this some kind of joke?”

What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious

I was pleased with the first day of The World Cup, and even more pleased that it didn’t turn into “2 Girls, 1 World Cup” as I had feared.

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because it looks like you landed on your face.

Why is it hard for Chihuahuas to type on a keyboard? They’re all paws.

Murderer: IM GOING TO STRANGLE YOU Me: wow your hands are so soft Murderer: omg really Me: [caresses his hands] what moisturizer do you use

Judge: Guilty Me: Sayyoudidwhat. Judge: What did you say? Me: Judge? Did you just reverse my sentence? *Stage dives into cheering jury*

And the Oscar goes to……………………………… Court for killing his girlfriend.