When my kids are bad I take them out to the woodshed and tell them a bunch of boring stories about the people at my work

Did you hear about the Woodstock Killer? He was charged for murder within tents.

We never knew he was always drunk… …until he showed up to work sober.

Its stupid of Apple to include Health apps with their products… …Everybody knows that people with one Kidney are not supposed to run.

How many potatos do you need to kill an Irishman? None.

My son will never know the thrill of illegally downloading Thong Song on napster and waiting 1h39m for it to download

What kind of farm has lots of books but no livestock? Barns and no-bulls. (This joke was made up by my 7 year-old cousin.)

If an object falls at 500ft/s how far must Mohammed run to escape the blast?

Piers Morgan has taken a very strong stance against guns, and who can blame him? If you had a gun, you’d shoot him too.

It was when I stabbed a Capri Sun perfectly the first time, right in that grey circle, that I knew I wanted to be an assassin.