What’s the difference between pussy and mashed potatoes Mashed potatoes don’t make their own gravy

Thought of this joke a few years ago and thought id share it with you beautiful people Why cant bulimics be pitchers in baseball? Because they always throw up

So I saw that Princess Diana is trending on tumblr. She’s all over the dashboard!

Hey geese crossing the road, u can fly.

There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.

Why isnt Hitler invited to any BBQs? Cuhs he burns all the franks! Friend told me this, so im sorry if this has already been posted.

Note to self: 1) Your memory sucks. 2) Write note to self.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

How do you make a Venetian blind? Poke him in the eye

The Galactic Empire, after the destruction of the Death Star, has taken to bowling during the interim. The Empire Strikes Back, they call it.