Programmers tend to byte their food

Why is Christopher Walken so tired? Because at night, he’s always sleepwalken

If I’ve learned one thing from twitter, it’s how to get a ton of work done in an hour after wasting 80% of my day tweeting.

I shaved my legs and now my socks keep falling down. Life is hard.

Obesity it’s a disease People in America say obesity is a disease. The only thing diseases and obese people have in common is they are both really easy to catch.

Teacher Johnny: Use the word HARASSMENT in a Sentence… Johnny: I was in Love with a girl and.. Her-ass-meant a lot to me

My kids are asking to be fed and cared for and stuff. This parenting thing is bullshit.

I keep getting told I’m a terrible mailman.. Oops I’ve posted this in the wrong place

Cars Why do lazy people only drive automatics? Because they’re shiftless.

What did Sean Connery do when he saw a guy drowning? he started undressing and yelled ‘I will shave you’