I try to live each day like it’s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?

A Texas sheriff found a black man who was shot 12 times. He said it was the worst case of suicide he’d ever seen.

What do you call an Asian with a big… NSFW Butt hole? Gay ping!

I lost fifty pounds in two weeks by lying!

I got invited to a block party recently. I show up, blocks EVERYWHERE.

I saw Lenin pick his nose the other day… Communists have no class…

What kind of bees make milk? Boo-bees

If I’m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet

What’s enormous, gray, and unimportant? Irrelephant.

How do you catch a bear? 1. Dig a big hole 2. Fill the hole with ash 3. Place peas all around the hole 4. Finally, when the bear stops to take a pea you kick it in the ash-hole