A woman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm Nice pig says the bartender. It’s a duck she says. I was talking to the duck says the bartender.

There are 11 types of people in this world.. a) those that understand Roman numerals. b) those that don’t understand Roman numerals.

I got a job at the circus circumcising baby elephants. It pays peanuts, but the tips are huge.

How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving

Tight pants are like a cheap hotel… No ball room

curious new Snapchat filter shows exact date and time of your death but refuses to be sent. then you notice: the time says five minutes ago.

What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other? Isaiah!

[prison riot] *standing over my origami ducks* “GO AROUND! GO AROUND!”

If you’re unsure if you’re pregnant or not that’s called a maby

why do JEWS have big noses ? air is free