Two fish are in a tank… The first fish says to the second fish, “How do we drive this thing?”

The animals that like to be pet are the ones that feel the best to touch how dope is that

Have you heard the Eric Garner joke? It’s so funny I can’t breathe Edit: Woah gold, thank you kind stranger 😀

What do you get if you mix a rhetorical question and a joke?

[Captain America, minutes after the love of his life’s funeral] Damn her niece is hot

Why was the shower crying It was being used.

Your chances in Vegas are better than you think. 1 out of 5 times you’ll get an std.

Knock Knock Who’s there ! Brother ! Brother who ? Brother-ation I’ve forgotten your name !

*wakes up at the crack of Dawn* *instantly regrets drunk dialing Dawn last night*

Dad I spotted a Dalmatian! No need to it already has its own spots!